Up From the Ashes

"Up from the ashes, your love has brought us..." Lyrics to a song that we sang during our prayer service last night. I've sang them before. Nice lyrics. I know God. All true. But, it wasn't just any day that I was singing them this time. It was the day that Glen and I had been married 25 years. I was in that sentimental state. We had been discussing for a few days all the different places we've lived and things we've gone through. Last night I clearly saw how amazing God really is. According to all the circumstances and the way the world views things, we should have never made it. Our ash pile included a family with a wife who almost died twice in one year and was full of fear, a husband who was a meth addict and who's sense of reality was totally screwed, and 3 boys for whom we couldn't even provide a home for during a season of time. What could be built out of that? If you didn't know us then, but you know us now, you may have a hard time believing our story. Life couldn't be better. What was built? A legacy. A heritage for our children that we can be proud of. All glory to God. As we chose, one step at a time, to give our lives to Him, he did what we could never do. Our boys didn't see perfection, but they saw change, they saw love, they saw truth, they saw that nothing is impossible. Tears are still flowing as I contemplate God's goodness. I'm so amazed and full of gratitude. Let our life be a seed of hope for you...take a step...make a choice...give God access to your ashes... you'll never believe what He can do with them.

Is Wider More Secure?

Something very simple spoke volumes to me this morning. As I walked across this ditch, the options were very deceiving. Wider looked safer, more secure. When, in fact, it was just the opposite. I stepped on one board with one foot, and on the other board with the other foot. I should have known better. They responded completely different from each other, one higher and one lower, and threw my balance off so much that I could have fallen. Of course, the scripture that immediately came to mind was Matthew 7:13-14, "Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few that find it." I've heard this scripture taught on a lot. But today I found a different perspective. Too many times we have a "safety net" just in case God doesn't come through the way we expect, or whatever we use as a crutch to help us deal with things our own way, etc... Many different possibilities. But what looks like it will help us, only throws us off into the ditch. Another scripture comes to mind. Revelation 3:16, "So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth." Think of one board as hot and one as cold. The combination makes lukewarm. Throws your balance off. If you just pick one or the other, your journey across is much safer. Things to ponder today. I think I'm only choosing one board as I cross this ditch from now on. My steps will be secure. 

Faith or Fear?

I originally wrote this on September 19, 2009. I remember writing it, but at the same time it almost seems "foreign" to me, if that makes any sense. I have made so much progress in this area in the last 3 years that it's interesting looking back at the struggle I had then, and thanking God that I don't have that struggle any more. I've had the opportunity to speak about this a couple times over the past year and people have told me it was the exact word they need to hear. God is so good!!!

Where do I begin? Here we are again. At another crossroad. Do I choose fear, or do I choose faith? I must choose faith. I have to put aside emotions and feelings. Faith doesn't generate in that area. I have to go deep. What do I trust? What do I believe? Where have I already been, and what were the results? I have to say I've been down quite an interesting road over the years. In the last year alone I've gone where I never expected I'd have to go. But I have to choose. Doesn't mean it's easy. Doesn't mean I can feel it. But I have to choose. What have I learned? God is faithful. He won't let me down. His ways are higher than my ways. I don't always understand. In fact I don't know if I ever truly, completely understand. But I know there is a direction I'm headed. I choose to take the path He's set out before me instead of making the GPS have to recalculate my path because I've wandered my own direction instead of following His lead. I believe I will make it to my final destination...but I'd rather get there on God's terms instead of my own. I have felt at times as if my heart was breaking in two. I've wondered if a person can feel that much pain and not break physically. Then I think my pain isn't as awful as what others have endured in different circumstances. But pain is pain. I have noticed that each time it gets a little easier to let go. A little easier to lay it in God's lap. I have had a struggle many times, back and forth. Asking god to handle it, but then picking it back up again. Okay, God. It's your turn. No wait, I still have to figure it out. Let me have it back. What's a father supposed to do? A loving father is patient, but knows best for His children. He knows that when I truly decide to let go of it, He can take care of it. He can put all the pieces in divine alignment without my hands being in the way. Each times gets a little easier. Each time a little more trust is built. I see. I catch a glimpse of my father's thoughts. I never would have seen it that way, but hey, I don't have a very good view. As I'm quicker to lay my burdens down, peace comes a little sooner. Goes a little deeper. Through this process I begin to grasp the concept of my anchor. The quicker I release it, the quicker my storm doesn't seem as frightening. The stronger I grow with each battle, the deeper I throw my anchor. When I get hooked in tight, it doesn't matter what comes my way. I have the Master on board who just speaks to the storm. Even when I'm being tossed around I can rest assured that He's not gonna let me down. And yet, at this moment, I have no answer. Don't understand a thing. Want to know why, God? But I am reminded of promises I always stand on. I'm reminded of past victories, I'm reminded I'm a child who doesn't know anything when it comes to putting the puzzle pieces together. But my God loves me. My God never fails. My God is faithful. So I choose. I choose to dismiss fear. I choose to grab a hold of faith. I choose to curl up in my Daddy's lap and not be afraid of the storm.

From "Someday" to "Now"

While sitting at our prayer meeting the other night, I felt I was to share about how my "mindset" has changed the past few years. When I think back 10 to 15 years ago I had what I called a "someday" faith. I knew in the long term that things would change. I just couldn't see it happening at that moment. In the last few years that mindset has changed. It's been through God's faithfulness and I guess you could call it my change in position in my relationship with him. At this moment in time we are getting to do things I've dreamed about in the past. It's here. And I have a vision for the future that I have no doubt will happen. 
After I shared at our prayer meeting....I got a picture of it. I could see myself looking down the road toward the horizon as far as I could see. There was an object down there that represented my faith. I "threw" a bungee line out like I was fishing and the end of it caught my faith and it was like it "zoomed in" extremely fast and was immediately sitting right in front of my face. 
I just wanted to share that as testimony that God is soooooo good! 

A Tree of Life

I've been listening to worship music this afternoon. Just kinda meditating and reflecting while doing housework. A scripture came to mind that I've been reflecting on lately..."Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life." ~ Proverbs 13:12. I, like many others I'm sure, have been able to quote the first part of this scripture for a long time. It wasn't until recently that I began to focus on the entire thing. This was brought to my attention by Bill Johnson. He is the Pastor at Bethel Church in Redding, CA. He is my favorite teacher to listen to, besides my own Pastor Bob Petersen. In fact, Pastor Bob has used this scripture recently in his sermons. So, I got a clear picture of this scripture today. I think, anyway. It fits where I'm at. We absolutely have to have hope. When we finally get to the place where we can feel like we've finally plugged into our "destiny" so to speak, that's when it becomes a tree of life. Not saying we have all our ducks in a row, or all the details worked out, or we've "arrived." But truly plug into what God has called ME to be. The picture I got today was from the movie, "Avatar." I thought of how they literally connected with the hometree. We've got to be continually fused into our "dance" with God. That's another place I've come to lately...feeling like I'm dancing "with" God...in step with Him...thinking how He thinks...anticipating "our" next move. I've learned the dance. I'm not waiting to be invited on the dance floor. I'm not getting my toes stepped on as much anymore. I take time each day to learn His steps and it flows naturally. It feels good. Continually knowing He's my source of hope. I'm never without it.

Dimensional Living

Let's start this with a visual. Who remembers Super Mario Brothers? Now, even young people should know what I'm talking about here because the game is available for the wii. In fact, it gets played at our house. Think about that game and how it compares to new technology video games. That world was only two dimensional. The character could only go forward, backward, up or down. He couldn't move to the left or the right. He was confined. I've used the term, "taking God out of the box," for a long time now. Too often "religion" confines Him to it's idea of what He should look like. Especially with it's rules and regulations. But now God has shown me a new level of this train of thought.

A couple of weeks ago at our prayer meeting, Pastor Bob was attempting to put into words what God was showing him. I've also heard this from some other areas of ministry that I study from. A new era of a "new wine skin," a new level, etc... I've heard this year God is turning up the heat and we have to find a new level of grace to get us to where He's taking us. Pastor Bob was trying to describe that even our most recent knowledge and teachings will soon seem "old."

God brought to my remembrance something that I've been learning about dimensions. Chuck Missler is a teacher that I listen to sometimes and has really opened my mind up to understand some basic things. Many scientists believe we live in a world that has at least 10 dimensions. We can relate up to 3D, but beyond that we have a hard time comprehending things. 4D can be described...and I even watched a series of videos last week to stretch my brain and work on comprehending that 4th dimension. Picture a 2D world trying to comprehend a 3D object. It's like putting a cube through a flat piece of paper and visualizing what you can actually see of that cube as it comes through the 2D world. You can only see a piece of it at a time...and that shape changes as it gets closer or farther away.

I hope you're following me. Now I see in the spiritual realm a picture of what that looks like. Just as technology has advanced in this natural world...so God is taking us on a journey in the spiritual world. Things in the past that will seem "old" won't actually go away. They are a piece of the puzzle. The only piece many of us have been able to see up til now. As God can get us to move out of seeing only in 2D...He can move us on to 3D...and 4D...and so on. And each level is not changed by an addition factor, or even a multiplication factor, but exponentially. (Exponential is a word God showed me to describe an explosion of sorts that Pastor Bob saw after the beginning of the year. It all ties together.)

The Bible says in Hebrews 13:8, Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and today, and forever. God doesn't change. But how much of Him can we really see? I believe the Bride of Christ will be without blemish....and we will see God's glory on this earth. Such a glorious time to be living in! My prayer is for God to take me higher. Expand my vision. Not only to be able to take him out of the "box," but to take him out of the "hypercube."

Thank you, Pastor Bob, for encouraging me to write this down. :)

Back In The Game

I can't believe it's been a year and 3 months since I've posted. Wow! So many things have happened in that time. Our first grandchild was born, March 28, 2011. So...he's almost a year old now. And they are expecting their second in July. It's been amazing being a grandparent. We've had some difficult moments also...just knowing you ultimately have no control. It's in the hands of the parents and you start thinking about all the things that you hope they remember from growing up, or that you wish you had done differently. Only thing is...you can't fix it. I seriously don't know how anyone can get through the things in this life without trusting God. I have to practice putting things in His hands and keeping them out of mine...and I would like to think I have a pretty good relationship with Him. I can't imagine the anxiety that I would have without trusting Him. I receive grace every day and thank Him for bringing me so far from where I was before. God is good. God is love. Once we get that engraved into our spirit and know that since He's always in control we have a completely different life.