Be Careful Little Eyes What You See

"Be careful little eyes what you see
Be careful little ears what you hear
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see..."

How many of us remember that song from our Sunday school days? As I was contemplating my frustration with the enemy this morning this song came to mind. This thing called the internet. So much good potential, yet very tricky. We all know the obvious pitfalls and awful things that we have access to. The obvious is much easier to steer clear of. What about the not so obvious? What about the things that seem so good that they must be true? That's where the tricky part comes in. John Bevere has a book out now called "Good or God?" We, as believers, must take the posture to truly know our Father's heart. For example, there's a story out there making it's rounds again about what an eagle has to do after it ages 40 years to live longer. I first saw it a year or two ago. Very captivating. Seems good. But something just didn't sit right with me. So I started digging for facts. The whole premise of the story is that the eagle basically has to torture itself to get to a place it can live longer. That process would leave it completely exposed and unable to survive. If I believe God's nature is good and perfect, would He make one of his most majestic creations have to go through that process? Now, I understand we have to choose to leave our past behind at some point in life, but we don't do that through self mutilation. Eagles, like all birds, go through a molting process. They lose and replace feathers in a balanced process, the same feather on each wing. That way it can still fly and hunt while in the process. It's talons grow stronger as it ages with new layers. It keeps it's beak in good condition by just living; eating tough prey and cleaning it. You see, those are tools that are built in naturally. If we live how God created us, we have the tools we need to just do life and keep growing. He's a good God. He's given us what we need. Self mutilation falls into the category of religion in my eyes. A trick of the enemy to keep us from our true identity. Bottom line...don't believe everything you read, no matter how good it looks. Is it really God?

Winning

Philippians 4 is my favorite chapter in the Bible. Verse 13 happens to be a verse that is very well known and quoted often, particularly by athletes. I love it when faith intertwines with every aspect of who we are, as it should. To many, this represents "winning." Victory associated with my relationship, or in some cases just knowledge, of Jesus. But what does winning really look like? To understand what Paul was really talking about, you must look at the verses that precede this one... "Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need."  That word "instructed" really caught my attention last year at a time that I was facing some difficulties. It comes from the Greek word myeō which means to initiate into the mysteries, to teach fully, instruct, to accustom one to a thing, to give one an intimate acquaintance with a thing. So, when he was saying that he could do all things, that meant no matter what the circumstances... how much money, what the final score was, if anyone else helped him or not, etc... he had the strength to do that because of Jesus. Quoting this scripture isn't a magic pill for victory, but trusting in the one who knows the big picture is a sure key to really winning. Which reminds me of another quote that I'm sure Paul could definitely attest to...

Joy

During our corporate prayer service last night we prayed to release joy. We've done that multiple times. I think it's great. We have to understand that joy and happiness are not the same thing and that we can have joy in any circumstance. My thoughts went to a revelation I got several years ago concerning joy. Everyone quotes that portion of Nehemiah 8:10 where it says, "the joy of the Lord is your strength." Then they think that if I can manage to stir up some joy in myself it will make me strong. My thought was to look at it differently. It's the Lord's joy. Not mine. What brings God joy? It's that connection with us. What He's wanted from the very beginning. You see, earlier in that chapter the people had found the written law as they were rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem. Ezra stood up where they could all see him and read it. They wept. They knew they had been missing something that was being restored. God told them not to be sorry, but go and have a party. That's what brought Him joy. The connection. It was the same with Jesus. In Hebrews 12:2 it said He endured the cross for the joy that was set before Him. That's us. Our connection. Next time you're looking for strength, don't think that if you can stir up this feeling inside you that you might find it. Look to your creator. It's in the connection.

"Not Responding"

A large majority of my life revolves around computers. As I was sitting in front of my laptop a few days ago, just trying to perform the simplest of tasks, in a quick fashion, I saw the words I see far too often, "not responding." Seriously? This isn't even hard. I'm just trying to save a document. If the program is already open, what's so difficult about saving it? So, I sit there and watch the little blue circle spin around and around, and think. Think about the seconds just ticking away and all the time I'm wasting that I could be using for something much more productive. I then realized that this is what my life feels like right now. I'm tired of seeing the little blue circle. Here's another one...this page is unresponsive...and you have the option to "kill page" or "wait." Of course, at that moment in time, all is want to do is kill the page! Screw it! I've got better things to do! I'm sure someone can relate. 

These thoughts have been rolling around in my head for a few days. Today, while visiting with a friend, God reminded me of a story in my life that represents this very thing. Hits me way too close to home right now. During my 3rd pregnancy I had a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. I got really tired of them. They weren't accomplishing anything except to remind me that the real thing wasn't happening yet and I was tired of waiting. After being sent home from the hospital on my due date because I wasn't in labor yet, I decided that I was just going to sleep the rest of my pregnancy. I was going to completely ignore anything going on because I was tired of being teased. Tired of waiting. Tired of trying to figure it out. Real labor will wake me up. It wasn't my first time. I wasn't in the nesting mood anymore. Just let me sleep. Thinking back on it now, I wonder if my attitude had anything to do with how the rest of the story played out. Four days later I was back in the hospital. Signs of labor. But it still wasn't progressing very quickly. Then I made a mistake. I let them talk me into inducing labor. It's your 3rd baby...your body will know what to do...let's get it moving along. So, that's what we did. Drugs in the IV, and here came the most painful 40 minutes of my life. Yep...that's all it took. Casey was born 40 minutes later. 2 hours later I was passed out on the bathroom floor because I lost too much blood too fast. I was blessed to not have to have a transfusion, but I was anemic for several months. 

I feel like for several months now I've been staring at that little blue circle. Waiting. I know change is coming. I know seasons are shifting. I'm the positive, optimistic, find the good in everything person. But, seriously? I'm tired of being teased. Can't I just sleep til the real thing happens? As I type these words, it's all coming together in my mind. Do I really want to risk that? Do I really want complications? I know all the scriptures to quote. All the promises to stand on. In the end I have to be content in knowing that joy comes in the morning and I need to just enjoy the honor of being a part of this birthing process. I'm carrying something special. I need to remember the love that planted this seed inside of me. I wanted God to use me to make a difference in this world. And I believe He will. 

Up From the Ashes

"Up from the ashes, your love has brought us..." Lyrics to a song that we sang during our prayer service last night. I've sang them before. Nice lyrics. I know God. All true. But, it wasn't just any day that I was singing them this time. It was the day that Glen and I had been married 25 years. I was in that sentimental state. We had been discussing for a few days all the different places we've lived and things we've gone through. Last night I clearly saw how amazing God really is. According to all the circumstances and the way the world views things, we should have never made it. Our ash pile included a family with a wife who almost died twice in one year and was full of fear, a husband who was a meth addict and who's sense of reality was totally screwed, and 3 boys for whom we couldn't even provide a home for during a season of time. What could be built out of that? If you didn't know us then, but you know us now, you may have a hard time believing our story. Life couldn't be better. What was built? A legacy. A heritage for our children that we can be proud of. All glory to God. As we chose, one step at a time, to give our lives to Him, he did what we could never do. Our boys didn't see perfection, but they saw change, they saw love, they saw truth, they saw that nothing is impossible. Tears are still flowing as I contemplate God's goodness. I'm so amazed and full of gratitude. Let our life be a seed of hope for you...take a step...make a choice...give God access to your ashes... you'll never believe what He can do with them.

Is Wider More Secure?

Something very simple spoke volumes to me this morning. As I walked across this ditch, the options were very deceiving. Wider looked safer, more secure. When, in fact, it was just the opposite. I stepped on one board with one foot, and on the other board with the other foot. I should have known better. They responded completely different from each other, one higher and one lower, and threw my balance off so much that I could have fallen. Of course, the scripture that immediately came to mind was Matthew 7:13-14, "Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few that find it." I've heard this scripture taught on a lot. But today I found a different perspective. Too many times we have a "safety net" just in case God doesn't come through the way we expect, or whatever we use as a crutch to help us deal with things our own way, etc... Many different possibilities. But what looks like it will help us, only throws us off into the ditch. Another scripture comes to mind. Revelation 3:16, "So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth." Think of one board as hot and one as cold. The combination makes lukewarm. Throws your balance off. If you just pick one or the other, your journey across is much safer. Things to ponder today. I think I'm only choosing one board as I cross this ditch from now on. My steps will be secure. 

Faith or Fear?

I originally wrote this on September 19, 2009. I remember writing it, but at the same time it almost seems "foreign" to me, if that makes any sense. I have made so much progress in this area in the last 3 years that it's interesting looking back at the struggle I had then, and thanking God that I don't have that struggle any more. I've had the opportunity to speak about this a couple times over the past year and people have told me it was the exact word they need to hear. God is so good!!!

Where do I begin? Here we are again. At another crossroad. Do I choose fear, or do I choose faith? I must choose faith. I have to put aside emotions and feelings. Faith doesn't generate in that area. I have to go deep. What do I trust? What do I believe? Where have I already been, and what were the results? I have to say I've been down quite an interesting road over the years. In the last year alone I've gone where I never expected I'd have to go. But I have to choose. Doesn't mean it's easy. Doesn't mean I can feel it. But I have to choose. What have I learned? God is faithful. He won't let me down. His ways are higher than my ways. I don't always understand. In fact I don't know if I ever truly, completely understand. But I know there is a direction I'm headed. I choose to take the path He's set out before me instead of making the GPS have to recalculate my path because I've wandered my own direction instead of following His lead. I believe I will make it to my final destination...but I'd rather get there on God's terms instead of my own. I have felt at times as if my heart was breaking in two. I've wondered if a person can feel that much pain and not break physically. Then I think my pain isn't as awful as what others have endured in different circumstances. But pain is pain. I have noticed that each time it gets a little easier to let go. A little easier to lay it in God's lap. I have had a struggle many times, back and forth. Asking god to handle it, but then picking it back up again. Okay, God. It's your turn. No wait, I still have to figure it out. Let me have it back. What's a father supposed to do? A loving father is patient, but knows best for His children. He knows that when I truly decide to let go of it, He can take care of it. He can put all the pieces in divine alignment without my hands being in the way. Each times gets a little easier. Each time a little more trust is built. I see. I catch a glimpse of my father's thoughts. I never would have seen it that way, but hey, I don't have a very good view. As I'm quicker to lay my burdens down, peace comes a little sooner. Goes a little deeper. Through this process I begin to grasp the concept of my anchor. The quicker I release it, the quicker my storm doesn't seem as frightening. The stronger I grow with each battle, the deeper I throw my anchor. When I get hooked in tight, it doesn't matter what comes my way. I have the Master on board who just speaks to the storm. Even when I'm being tossed around I can rest assured that He's not gonna let me down. And yet, at this moment, I have no answer. Don't understand a thing. Want to know why, God? But I am reminded of promises I always stand on. I'm reminded of past victories, I'm reminded I'm a child who doesn't know anything when it comes to putting the puzzle pieces together. But my God loves me. My God never fails. My God is faithful. So I choose. I choose to dismiss fear. I choose to grab a hold of faith. I choose to curl up in my Daddy's lap and not be afraid of the storm.